Candid Talk: 5 Years

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5 years.  That’s how long it has been since I was steadily blogging. I had a few posts in 2015, but that was nothing of significance.  Time is such a funny thing, it seems like it drags at times but in actuality its moving at lightning speed.  Here I am almost at the point where my 20s are about to end. It’s a weird feeling that I haven’t fully wrapped my mind around yet. I have heard the saying that age is just a number, but in a lot of ways it feels as if my youth is over.
There are lots of regrets I have in my 20s. There are also a lot of happy moments in my 20s.  I would wish to change a lot of things these past 10 years. I wish I would have not taken for granted the blessing of growing up in a Christian family.  I wish I didn’t live a sinful life. I wish I had taken serious the truths I had been taught and avoided a lot of heartache.  I wish that I hadn’t been selfish and hurt people.  I wish I had lived more intentionally and focused on building meaningful relationships.  Despite all the regrets, I am still so blessed. Things can always be worst. My family has always been there to support me no matter what. I still have life in me to be better each and every day.
I’ve always been the kind of person to go with the flow. That could be a good thing but also a bad thing. I haven’t lived intentionally or lived with a purpose. There are many things I could have accomplished but only myself has stopped the progression or growth. And now years later the depression and anxiety has only intensified with the normal occurrences of life that can leave a person feeling trapped.
What I have realized as I’ve gotten older is that there are so many hurting people. We are all going through the same things one way or another. It is literally a daily fight with the mind to stay focused and not look at the past or let the negativity win.  I am by no means perfect or have it figured it out, but I do have a better sense of hope. Each day I strive to be better. I am forever grateful for family and for my church.
2018 marks another year of being grateful for life. Another opportunity to start living intentionally, because God’s not done with me yet.
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